Choose Well

From a young age I’ve designed my life around having options.  My father gave me that advice.  I remember him saying, “Don’t let anybody box you into a corner.  You can walk away from a situation you don’t like if you’ve created options for yourself.”  I took that advice to heart, both consciously and unconsciously.  Every education path I have taken, every degree, training, and certification has been something I’ve wanted to pursue, but these paths have also created lots of options for me.  Having that mindset has also made it relatively easy for me to make choices.  Which is not to say that I haven’t made bad choices -- I most certainly have.  I have not always chosen well.  But at the same time, I’ve had the internal knowing that I could make a different choice at any time.

Making choices can sometimes feel very heavy.  We usually tell ourselves that there is a right choice and a wrong choice.  And we often put a lot of weight on making the right choice.

Have you had that feeling?  That if you made the wrong choice, the situation or even your life would not turn out well.  Maybe it had to do with a job, or where to live, or a relationship, or even medical treatment.  What choice is the RIGHT one?  Which choice will make me happy or at least not fill me with regret?

Whether you have a big or small choice in front of you, here are some things that might be helpful to remember:

1. It’s normal to feel uncertain or even fearful about deciding which path to take or when changing paths – especially when they are life-changing decisions.
2. We always have choices – 100% of the time we have choices about our mindset and how we choose to respond to a situation, even if we have no other control.
3. We often have more power or control than we acknowledge. Choices available to us may be expensive, inconvenient, disappointing to others, or even painful, but they still are choices we have.
4. What happens when you take judgment out of it? In other words, what if the choices are not valued as “right” or “wrong.”  I’m not talking about choices that are criminal, unethical, or objectively harmful to others.  For other small and big decisions, can you shift to what is best for yourself or what is best for all concerned at that time.
5. If possible, sit with all of your options. Visualize each path.  Notice what you feel in your body as you consider each option.  Notice if you are trying to control or manipulate the outcome.  Notice if you are resisting a certain choice and if one or more choices feel like flow.
6. When you have reflected on the obvious or logical options, open yourself to the possibility of an option you have not considered. The path not previously considered.   Be open to possibilities that may not make logical sense to you right now.
7. It may be helpful to tap into some trusted wisdom – a friend, a therapist – not necessarily for the answer, but to help you process your decision-making.

Ultimately, trust yourself.  Sometimes we find unexpected and unwelcome experiences on our chosen path, but that doesn’t mean it was the wrong decision.  That’s just life.

Janet Thompson Jackson