From Fear to Power

When You Build a Relationship With What You're Afraid Of, You Gain Power 

Someone said that to me yesterday, and I haven't stopped thinking about it since.

It landed deep, because if I'm honest, that sentence brought one of my biggest fears to the surface: the fear of being fully seen.

Seen in all my power, my voice, my purpose.

There's safety in playing small, in staying just under the big radar. I know that place well. It looks like not reaching out to people who could elevate my work. It looks like shying away from the big speaking engagements. It looks like dimming my leadership when I know, deep down, that I have the experience, the wisdom, and the purpose to take up way more space.

But that fear - of being too seen, too heard - has kept me from living the fullest expression of the life I'm meant to live.

I'm done with that.

So, I'm using a method I came up with years ago to work through limiting beliefs and fears - a method I call High Frequency Thinking. When I use High Frequency Thinking, I try to understand my fear instead of fighting it. I want to tap in and hear its voice, and even thank it for trying to protect me. I hadn't thought of that as building a relationship with my fear, but that's exactly what it is.

Here are the steps to my High Frequency Thinking method I'm busy using right now, and you can, too:

1. Acknowledge the Thought. First I had to tell the truth to myself and ask, What thoughts and fears do I have that may be disguised as procrastination, avoidance, or false humility? and, What stories am I telling myself that are keeping me small?
2. Separate Fear From Fact. I like to say that I'm putting my thoughts on trial. Just because I think, "I'm not ready" doesn't make it true. That's a fear, not a fact. So now I'm responding to that voice with compassion: "I see you. I hear you. And, I'm lovingly checking you for truth."
3. Explore What Your Fear is Feeding. Many years ago my therapist explained to me that fear often feeds familiar behaviors like silence, hiding, second-guessing, or false humility. Now I've learned to ask: What part of me is being fed by this fear? Is that the part I want in charge?
4.  Recognize What It's Costing Me. Playing small has a cost. It has cost me opportunities to lead, connect, speak, and shine. It has delayed my impact. It has dulled my joy. What are your fears costing you?
5. Visualize What's Possible. I've started picturing what life looks like when I let my light shine bright. When I say yes to visibility. When I take the mic. When I fully step into the space I was born to take up. I see more aligned connections. I hear more loving self-talk. I feel expansion and lightness in my body.
6. Surround Yourself with Support. This journey isn't meant to be done alone. Surround yourself with people who reflect your growth, not your fear. Find people who speak the language of your vision and remind you of your power. That could be a coach, a mentor, a community, or a trusted friend who holds you accountable.
   

So what about you?

What fear or limiting thought is holding you back? What would happen if, instead of burying it or pushing it away, you built a relationship with it?

Be well,

Janet